about Lauren
Hi there, here's my story:
As a kid I assumed that we were all seeing and "doing" things (strolling around on the ceiling upside down as if it was the floor and cruised all over the house, while my body was in bed). There were so many ordinary human experiences/functions/etc that were considered too "inappropriate" to discuss, that I figured this was another that went unmentioned. It NEVER occurred to me that it was unusual.
I spent hours "seeing" images like a kaleidoscope while my mind would play with numbers (multiply, divide). I remember from very early on, guides repeatedly saying "none of this is real" and having absolutely NO clue what that meant. I wondered if it was the same as when you wake up in the middle of a dream you thought was so real that it takes you a minute to discard the dream as not having "happened".
My most recurring dream from early on, was that I got trapped in the body of another kid and I would have to secretly convince everyone that I was this other person. I worked hard to find "my" classroom and be "normal" with this person's friends and family so that no one would know anything had changed that day. For what ever reasons, the part in the dream where I really panicked was finding the proper school bus and getting off at the right stop to go "home" to this other person's... Life.
My experiences as a kid were unremarkable to me. What split my eyes wide open and left me raw, happened at 15 when I was standing in the lunch room in my high school in Missouri. In one moment I suddenly saw energy EVERYWHERE. The simplest way to explain it is to imagine seeing very thin strings connecting everything with this deep full knowing/comprehension that has you understand the root ties of not only events, experiences, emotions, but also physical matter.
When you see this, you see the connections of how things are all related and how those relationships expand to the broad strokes and the little infinite details of deep profound truths in Every direction. MOSTLY what you see... is that everything IS energy and EVERYTHING IS connected.
To best understand it, you know when you wake up from a dream... where everything was clear and you could see how everything is related and it ALL makes Perfect sense... and THEN within a couple minutes you FORGET most of it while only remembering random odd parts that make it then add up to nonsensical. Welllllllll, I didn't forget. I saw it Constantly.
After lunch I remember just barely stumbling to my next class and I never returned to school after that day. My mother who has a PhD in education was devastated I dropped out but I simply couldn't do it; being around that much energy was just too intense. For several years I spoke to almost no one and spent most mornings swimming three hours nonstop with a kickboard at a little women's health club. When I was around people, I remember adults would ALWAYS say "how do you know all of this, why are you So Wise" and I would just shrug, I sure didn't have the answer To That.
It was a devastating time; except for Grandpa, my family thought I was a failure who would "never amount to anything." I CERTAINLY didn't tell them I saw energy as I was trying to make all of this go away and be "normal" instead of integrating it into Living. What bothered me MOST was that almost every ideal of "goodness" I had been raised on, was revealed to be the Exact energy/attitude to attract a painful unsuccessful life of hard work and untouchable dreams with frustrating relationships (personal, business, friendships) based in submission, dominance, and need.
I felt horrifically torn between following the "universal laws" that I was seeing and my parent's advice. But as anyone knows who is deeply sense-able, you are incapable of going back to Believing in the Fear world as the only truth and forgetting what has been shown to lead you into suffering. I can tell you, when you can see that what will gain you other's approval will actually be limitless suffering... it is BRUTAL to choose. I think if you do not KNOW that your choices will amount to misery, you can at least believe the whispers of fantasy... that you tell yourself.
MOST OF ALL what I found was that the ONLY feeling of Relief... was to listen to the voice guiding me. When I ignored it, I got tons of road blocks or agonizing difficulties. When I followed it, life got effortless. It is in fact, the ONLY reason I did. For Relief! It took me a LONG LONG LONG time to become grateful for the gifts within me and the "awakening" to them on that day. I am still making peace with the brutal isolation (both emotional and at times physical) that I took refuge in, before I learned how to orchestrate when I wanted ACCESS to seeing energy and when I didn't, and it has been at times a bumpy road.
I will explain more on Video about energy and it's relevance to you understanding your life and your trials.
But as I will continue to say, none of my experience is ANY indicator that YOU should EVER put me (or anyone else) before your own intuition.
I will tell you why - because knowing this is more important... than knowing about me.
ALL OTHERS are only mirrors for you to Receive what is deep within you. If Anything that ANYONE says doesn't resonate with what you feel deep down is true... toss it out. Dismiss it without hesitation. If it keeps coming up from lots of different messengers then give it a listen because what is deep within you is Always trying to give you more truth to make your life More full of spirit and less guided by your fear.
So use me to hear what is WITHIN YOU. Do the same with every person you meet each day... as this life of Yours... is ALL You and all of the rest of us are magnets you (purposely! often unconsciously!) attract into your life with Gifts to support the journey you dreamed up to experience before you got here. And your Free Will gives you the Power to follow it or do something else, at any moment.
Some magnets create experiences that HURT. Hurt is our greatest teacher because it inspires us (achingly So) to discover that it's roots, are beliefs of separation- which is not truth. Distinguishing TRUTH... from EXPERIENCE on earth... . is about seeking to find out who we Truly Are versus who we may think or feel we are.
The most important part to remember is that... we are creators who forgot... we are creators. We are capable of experiencing ourselves as FAR less than divine... a LOT of the time as humans. BUT that NEVER changes who we are -> Amazing Creators using our connection to the all... to attract and detract our beliefs to manifest; mirroring back in our physical world what beliefs live in our inner world.
ALL of this is just hard to believe when we do not like ourselves and are creating a lot of havoc in our lives and those we love the most. But that doesn't mean that every last one of us humans isn't an amazing creator. We are. Without exception.
My final word about creation is - compassion for the courage we each have to come down to earth and agree that upon entry we would forget we are all connected and that we create through our focus - makes every last one of us Heroines and Heroes in my book. This place is unimaginable unless you have come down here and lived in the contradictions and the emotions and the impulses and all that a human entails.
For that, we are each amazing. No matter how many skeletons we have in our closet... and in truth...the many we have yet to ax and haul there. Making peace with our continual creation and destruction is the deepest act of self love. It is where The Choice to create and destroy Begins. Until then...we annihilate people obliviously and hide out in oblivion of ourselves as true creators.
This is ALL about you experiencing your connection to deeper divinity and the plan of this journey you are on, so you can Knowingly make choices that support your soul's purpose into experience.
Getty Up and Celebrate this Shin Dig down here -- it will all be over... before we know it!
Lauren
ps- so to sum up my adult life; after I crawled out of Missouri at 19, I moved to San Francisco and after a year moved to New York City and have made it my home. I traveled the world as an international flight attendant for 5 years and after quitting that, worked as a temp in corporate land (where I realized what being buried alive feels like). I began writing novellas in my early 20's which was the first real conscious creating of putting what was inside of me into form (MY NOVELLAS). I presently LOVE to explore this planet (third world countries are my Favorite) and I live in a petting zoo with a hairy crew of angels; all of them are from Central Park and have rescued MY heart. See groovy little video (below) to see my present soul family. I could not have found love and open trust without Their support!!! My creatures have stood for reminding me I Am Love on the days I didn't have the courage to own it. In many ways... that is what I hope to remind others; you MUST rise up to claim the life your soul dreamed up for you to experience here and now!!!